I've always been envious of people who can keep regular entries in journals/blogs/diaries/training diaries/blahblah.. I can't do it to save my life. Guess I don't want to reveal too much of myself and have it come back to bite me in the butt.
It's been a YEAR since I wrote last. Such enthusiasm and hopefulness a year ago. Have I been too naive? too ambitious? too ___________ (enter any version of a put down here)? Or am I seeing the unvarnished truth?
This past year was a less than successful attempt to get back to triathlons (2 DNF, 2 DNS) with some side issues that helped derail my hopes and dreams. Being fairly sure I am entering the Big M and not coping well with aging and having a rude reminder by my body that I am most definitely mortal.
The issue that has put the brakes on is having a freak fall from some weight equipment, landing on the crown of my head and sustaining a head injury. Not a major end up with surgery injury, but more subtle. I thought I would wait 3 months and see if the persistent positional dizziness I've had since the accident would fade away. At this point it seems to be permanent. I feel in limbo because I'm afraid to try to swim for fear of getting disoriented and drowning. I was able to get up the courage to finally run briefly on the trails after 10 weeks away. A few very brief bike rides. Some occasional workouts at the gym. Most disturbing to me is the apathy I feel toward my health, fitness, and life in general. I just don't seem to have the motivation, sense or energy to climb out of this morass.
Even though I love the beautiful snow that is falling outside, I don't think I can stand another cloudy dreary day. What happened to the strong person I used to be? The one who took on challenges not to show others but to prove to myself I was strong and capable even if no one else thought I was?
Will she ever make it back?
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